tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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