I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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