My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize