Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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