absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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