I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
