I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
