Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
