My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
