The maid of honor just puked.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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