Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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