Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
