I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
