There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
