I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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