I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
