i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
