you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This house was built for laser tag.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
