My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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