I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize