I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
