i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can I color on your dick again?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
