I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize