Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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