I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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