I am puke
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
