I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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