have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
