Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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