I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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