Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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