so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
