But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
