I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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