My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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