Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
