I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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