whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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