I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
