Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Found your dick twin last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk is not a location!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
