Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
