i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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