Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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