Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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