Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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