well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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