Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
