I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
