good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
