Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
