if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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