VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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