He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You may now shotgun with the bride
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
