in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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