Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
