Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
