the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
