everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
this hospital has no fireball
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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