So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
