i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to calm my uterus...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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