Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
