Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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