we have officially lost it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
