This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize