the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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