i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
