three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
