hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
