Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
