Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
