I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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