I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
