You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
