I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
