my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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